Like all great stories, it started with someone coming back into town

Good afternoon Upper East Siders, Gossip Girl here. Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite. Top story on my homepage, Serena Van Der Woodsen, everybody's favorite it girl has just returned from an mysterious absence. We missed you S.

My head is spinning from all that's happened in the last few days. (And thank you to all of my incredible sources. Couldn't have done it without you!)

After arriving at Grand Central (Thanks for the photo Melanie91), S hopped in a limo and headed to the penthouse of her dearest and bestest friend Blair Waldorf. B and her boyfriend Nate Archibald were interrupted mid-devirginizing. Poor B, N jumped at the chance to greet his old friend S, leaving B half dressed and still a virgin. Guess you'll have to keep waiting to find the perfect moment to lose it, B. It was hard to tell who was happier to see who: B or S. Did B even know her oldest friend was coming back? She did seem a little too surprised... S lasted at the party for a mere 5 minutes before rushing off mysteriously. Can this girl ever stay in one place for longer than like 10 seconds? It's called Aderal, S. Might want to try it. Which leads us to wonder: where did she run off to? We can only speculate (trip to dealer for Oxycotin? Quickie with her mob boyfriend in Staten Island?). Serena van der Woodsen, you bewilder us all.


The next day at lunch on the steps of the Met, B told S she wasn't invited to the Kiss on the Lips party. It was like the clash of the hot, superbly dressed Titans. Stunned, S demanded some QT with B at The Palace. B reluctantly agreed and the two gave each other looks so icy they could freeze hell over.

Meanwhile, our favorite new girl on the scene, Jenny Humphrey, was seen at Bendel's looking for the perfect dress for the party. Word has it she called her brother, we'll call him Lonely Boy, to help her pick out an outfit. That's kind of cute yet kind of the dorkiest thing I've ever heard. Guess when you're from Brooklyn you have something called family values? I'm unfamiliar. Supposedly, J couldn't afford a dress so she decided to sew one for herself. Santino's got nothing on that girl.

B and S had a heart to heart over martinis at The Palace. It began to look like things might actually go back to normal for these two hotties. Oh, wait. Spoke too soon. Things could never be resolved that quickly and painlessly. Good hearted yet lacking certain brain cells N had to open his big mouth and ruin it all. He spilled the beans to B about a certain night last summer that helps explain a lot. What's up with him and his honesty? Didn't N ever learn that telling the truth is overrated and only gets you into trouble? It just so happens to be that when B was away at her mother's country home, S and N hooked-up. No, it wasn't just a kiss. They did it. On a bar, nonetheless. Pretty classy, S. (Rumor has it, S got pregnent and her mom shipped her away to Sweden to hide her baby bump.)

While all of us on the Upper East Side were getting our makeup done at Elizabeth Arden for the social event of the season, S was heading to, omg it's almost too hard to say, Brooklyn! Turns out, she went on a date with J's older brother, Lonely Boy, who I guess isn't so lonely anymore. His name is Don. I mean, Dave. Oh wait, it's Dan. Gotta remember that. The two were going to see D and J's dad, Rufus, play with his band Lincoln Hawk (you can probably find one of their cassettes in the 99 cent bucket at like Sam Goody or any other record store that still sells audio tapes. Ugh, how early 90's). But really, who told D it'd be a good idea to take a girl, let alone a girl like S!, to meet his dad on a first date? Jeez, this boy has a lot of learn. The two actually appeared to be hitting it off, that is until D got an unexpected emergency text from Jenny. She was at the Kiss on the Lips party having a little trouble with our resident bad boy, Chuck Bass. Seems like C was on the prowl for his latest conquest...or victim. When D and S arrived at the party, S ended up face to face with B. After an intense staredown, B walked off with Kati and Isabel in tow, leaving Serena all by her lonesome self. Guess things might not be going back to the way they were so soon...

D and S finally found J on the roof of The Foundry. She was pleading with C to get off her. In a crazy turn of events, D actually grew some balls and confronted C. It was like watching Bruce Banner turn into the Incredible Hulk. D declared, "My name is Dan Humphrey. I'm in your class. And that is my little sister" before punching C right smack in the face. I haven't seen C with a bloody nose since the 9th grade ski trip to Aspen (damn altitude!)

D, S and J made their way out of the party with everyone's eyes on them, including a scathing Blair and Chuck as well as a sullen looking N. The three "outsiders" got in a cab and headed off to wherever it is kids from Brooklyn go.

Now we're all left to wonder what is going to happen to our fallen princess of the Upper East Side? Where do girls who had everything go once they've lost it all? And what about B? Surely, she isn't finished with S yet. Or N? Will he finally put S behind him and be the best boyfriend he can be to B? And D...the first time he comes to a party and he ends up punching the one guy who doesn't mind ruining lives. We're sure C will find a way to get the hipster from Brooklyn back. Watch your back, D. And finally, sweet little J. Tonight was her big chance to show she has what it takes to be in this world. Did she blow it? Or did she prove she could actually fit in?

Between the A-list parties and the smoking hot scandals, I'm not going to lie to you. It's a pretty fabulous life.

you know you love me,
gossip girl