An POISON IVY (League) of Their Own

Future Presidents, CEOs of Fortune 500s, host of a late night talk show -- they all have to start somewhere. And they did. Now they're sending their kids off to college. There's plenty of upside to being the spawn of the fabulously wealthy. But the downside? Super successful parents expect nothing less from their offspring. And when it comes to college that means the Ivies: Harvard, Yale, Brown, Dartmouth, UPenn, Princeton, Columbia, and Cornell. This week on the UES, it's Ivy Week; a time for students to mingle with college representatives and make their best impressions. All of our NYCers have had their dream universities picked out since practically birth. But the ones who aren't legacies? They need to work just a little harder (ie certain boys from Brooklyn whose dads majored in grunge and took Flannel 101). Everyone's true colors are revealed during Ivy Week. So it's only fitting that this upcoming week will be full of secrets being exposed and scandals being broken. Watch out. This ivy's gonna be poisonous. And Gossip Girl could not be more excited!

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Spotted: B getting a bacial (it's a facial for your back) at Bliss. Ivy week's going to be way stressful. Always count on B to come fully prepared. S reading at the Bethesda Terrace Arcade in Central Park. She only goes there when she's really upset. I guess being friendless kind of brings a girl down. D at a used bookstore on Bleeker buying a copy of The Petting Zoo in French (dork!) N smoking a joint in Central Park with C, who was trying to decide which Ivy has the hottest professors. Afterschool at Zitomer's, J buying lipstick (looked like the same shade B wears).

Life on the Upper East Side may be glamorous but there is still a ton of pressure to be the best. Parents want their kids to go on to greatness and the only way to do that is to go to a good college. This week was Ivy Week and all of our favorite Upper East Siders brought their A game. A hallway confrontation between our two favorite feuding hotties got the festivities started. Blair Waldorf came face to face with Serena Van Der Woodsen and told her she didn't think Brown offered a degree in slut! Oh My God! She so went there! This pushed S over the edge and she finally let her guard down. It was on! And thank God, because S was starting to look like a real pushover, letting B continually belittle her. The girls took their battle to the greens: the field hockey greens to be exact. In an exciting gym class game the two rivals had it out for each other. B was on the offense; repeatedly hitting S with her field hockey stick. She collected enough technical cards it looked like she was holding onto a rainbow. Fed up, S did the unimaginable: she threw B to the ground! The claws were finally out as the girls tackled each other on the middle of the field while all their classmates gawked. S's pale blonde hair was ripped out into the air and B's brown hair was thrown down onto the green field. It was a total catfight! As well as practically every boy on the UES' wet dream; two of the hottest girls in school wearing short skirts and wrestling one another on a grassy field. You might as well have thrown in some oil or mud to really complete the full out brawl. But we're from the Upper East Side and therefore classy, so they just kept it to a good old fashioned bitchfight with some face slapping and pinching.

While the girls were being violent, the boys at St. Jude's were preoccupied. They were getting paired as ushers to representatives from the colleges for the Ivy Week Mixer. All Dan Humphrey wanted was to usher JL Hall, the Dartmouth Rep, and author of D's favorite book of all time, The Petting Zoo. JL Hall and his book were the sole reasons D wanted to attend Dartmouth. But guess who happens to be from a Dartmouth family and ended up winning the coveted spot? Why our very favorite legacy, Nate Archibald. Too bad, N had no idea who JL Hall is or that The Petting Zoo was even a book. I think the last book N ever read was Superfudge in the 3rd grade. D was devastated. How is a guy like him who's from a family that doesn't endow university buildings supposed to make a name for himself? Rufus, D's dad, wasn't going to let this ruin D's chances of being accepted to a premiere university. After some begging and pleading, Rufus scored D a prime job at the Ivy Week Mixer: no, not as the Dartmouth usher but rather as refreshment boy. And Rufus booked himself a gig as the official entertainment for the mixer. Throw Jenny Humphrey in there and you have a complete Humphrey family affair. Oh, brother.

Meanwhile, B was out for S's blood. She was determined to find out the real reason S returned from boarding school. S had to have a dark and dirty secret for coming back so abruptly. And in B's desperate need, guess who she sought for help? Why, our favorite devil, Chuck Bass, obviously. C did his best Sherlock Holmes and followed S after school. Of course, C was in a limo and looked more like a creepy stalker than a detective but he did come through for B in the end. He trailed S all the way to The Ostroff Treatment Center. My, my, my. Say it isn't so. S in rehab?? This was almost too good to be true. (Rumor has it that she O.D at Grand Central when she returned) C snapped some pics and brought them back to B. The bomb was in B's hands. And there was only one possible place she was going to let it explode...at the Ivy Week Mixer. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, right B?

At the mixer, everyone was doing their respected jobs; D was serving the finest cocktails to the parched guests, Rufus was playing acoustic guitar on stage, B was wooing the Yale Rep and N was trying to break the dead silence he was experiencing while talking to JL Hall. When S showed up with her mother and little brother, Eric Van Der Woodsen, she made a beeline to the Yale Representative and B. Looked like she was going to give B a dose of her own medicine! S interrupted and "politely" suggested the Rep needed a refill. She happily escorted the Rep away leaving a livid B in the dust. Yale was B's destiny. Is B's destiny. It was the only school she ever wanted to go to. How dare S get in the way of that!

But you know B wouldn't retreat so easily. She had something up her sleeve. As part of Ivy Week, B was in charge of picking the charity her Community Outreach Committee would honor. And the lucky foundation? The Ostroff Treatment Center. Wait, isn't that the same place S was seen going into the day before... Well, isn't that ironic? On stage, in front of all the students, parents and college representatives, B announced one of their very own was benefiting from the center: our favorite former it girl, S. S froze. She was outed! Taking the high road, S got on the stage and admitted the Ostroff Center was in fact helping her. Everyone stood in shock. Cell phones out, camera phone photos being taken, this was crazy! So this is why S came back? To go to rehab??

BUT WAIT! Not so fast. There's more! In a crazy turn of events, E, S's little brother, approached B and asked to speak with her. He told B that it wasn't S who was a patient at the Ostroff Center. It was actually him! Turns out, E tried to kill himself and was getting help there. Bummer. Guess we finally got the real reason for S sudden reappearance. Bad girl gone good, is it? Wasn't as scandalous as we were hoping for. It was actually kind of depressing. But nonetheless, we wish E a speedy recovery. Get well, E!

In what will probably go down as one of the most epic match ups of all time (one that would make Ali vs. Frazier jealous), S and B met in the flesh, just the two of them, eye to eye at the Bethesda Terrace Arcade in Central Park. Unlike their field hockey battle, there was no tackling and no physical contact this time. B brought a letter she had written to S who was at boarding school. It explained all the bad things that were going on in B's life, like her dad leaving her mom for a male model and her parents' subsequent divorce. B was just so hurt S never called her when this was all going on. S knew what was happening yet she didn't do anything about it. S said she just didn't know how to be a friend to B after the horrible thing she did. B realized that both of their families have gone through a lot in the past few months. The girls both had tears in their eyes and it seemed like they were possibly, just maybe, reconciling?!

We really never thought this would happen. B and S friends again? Could it possibly be? I'm not too sure. This city isn't big enough for two queenbees. No way they can rule the world of the Upper East Side together, peacefully and harmoniously. There's bound to be turmoil lurking on the horizon. And you know who will be waiting to see which one falls first? Why, you guessed her.

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gossip girl