Rumors after breakfast, Scandal before lunch

On the Upper East Side, brunch is more than just a meal. It's an event. Full of all your friends and more importantly all your enemies too. This week, C's dad, Bart Bass, is hosting a brunch at The Palace Hotel. Hope you got enough shut eye after the Kiss on the Lips party because you're going to need to be fully alert for this. You never know what (or who) will get served at a Sunday brunch in the 10021. Who's hungry?

Spotted: The Palace is the place to be! D and J dropping S off in a cab outside the hotel. No word on if there was a goodnight kiss or what (will let you know as soon as I find out, promise!). C entering his suite with two female employees (meow!). Guess a black eye doesn't ruin your game. Go C! Hope you used protection. N sulking and drinking from a flask in the lobby. Wah, wah, wah. Also, B, K and I getting out of the limo at B's place. K & I were texting away on their sidekicks while B looked absolutely livid. Why the long face, B? Was your perfectly planned night ruined by the appearance of a certain ex best friend? Don't fret, B. Brunch is just around the corner. S wouldn't be so unwise to show her face there, would she? We sure hope so! Because there's nothing Gossip Girl loves more than scrambled eggs with a side of catfight.
Eggs, bacon and pancakes are the standard items on any usual brunch menu. But on an Upper East Side brunch menu the main item is drama. And boy was Bart Bass' brunch today at The Palace Hotel no exception.

Ah, where to begin? Well, let's start with the night before. Can you believe Dan Humphrey's lame excuse of a goodbye to Serena Van Der Woodsen? A wave? Really? Who does he think he is? Miss Brooklyn riding down Roebling on a float? Geez. The only thing worse than a wave is a high five and had D done that he'd have a one way ticket to Antarctica by now. If D really wants to keep a girl like S around he's going to have to do much better than, ugh, a wave. At least walk her to the door of the hotel. Do they not teach chivalry in Brooklyn? This kid has sooo much to learn.

On the day of the brunch, Nate Archibald and D were surprised to find themselves both in search of a certain blonde vixen. But, alas, she was not home. The boys were forced to wait for her; side by side! A-W-K-W-A-R-D! And where exactly was our favorite girl? S was at Blair Waldorf's for their usual Sunday tradition: breakfast and Audrey. Too bad B wasn't up for it. She told S she has new traditions now. Ouch! Oh, and B let S in on the fact that she knows S had sex with her boyfriend, N. Eek! B told S to stay away from her, her boyfriend and her friends. S was done here. Finished. Erased. You could cut that tension with a chainsaw.


Meanwhile, little Jenny Humphrey made her way uptown to B's to 'give back her calligraphy pens'. Ugh, what a lame excuse. These Humphreys need to work on their social skills because they are lacking. But unlike her dorky older brother, J at least has some game. B invited J to stay and help her get ready for brunch. She told J about being part of this crazy Upper East Side world where people will talk. Does J really want to be in it? Is it all worth it? That's up for J to decide. But while she deliberates, B let J keep a dress made by her mother, Eleanor Waldorf. You better tuck that away in your LeSportsac, J. Don't want anyone to swipe it on the A train back to Brooklyn. You'd have to sell a whole lot of Girl Scout Cookies to ever be able to really afford an Eleanor Waldorf dress, J.

S returned defeated to The Palace, only to find D still waiting for her (N must have left because unlike D he actually has a life). S was about to escape with D to somewhere far, far away from all the people who hated her when her mother, Lily Van Der Woodsen, found her. S was expected to go to the Bart Bass hosted brunch. There was no way around that. S appealed but Lily was not having any of it. Their compromise? D could get his eggs benedict on at what was surely the most elegant breakfast he'd ever been to. This was a far cry from his local Williamsburg Diner where he was used to $.25 bottomless cups of coffee.


At the brunch, N finally got S alone and convinced her to meet him in Chuck Bass's suite to talk about everything that was going on. She reluctantly agreed, took N's key to the suite and told him she'd be up in 10 minutes. In the mean time, being the horny devil that he is, C gave B his suite key so she could finally (in C's words) "seal the deal" with N. Yes, you read that right. Two of C's suite keys were out in the hands of the two girls who could do the most damage with them. Oh, don't you just love Sunday brunch? You never know what might happen...

B found N and told him she wanted to do 'it'. Now. N, being a guy, jumped at the chance and fled with B. It must have slipped his pretty little mind that S was waiting for him... in the exact place he was about to go... When they arrived at the suite, S was there in all her tall, blonde glory. Seems like this girl always gets in the way right when B and N are about to get down and dirty. The ultimate C-Block. B's face froze when she saw S in the suite. What was S doing there? Who let her in? S and N tried to plead with B that they were meeting only to talk. But trying to defend yourself to a girl like B is pointless. B was fuming and there was only one way to get S back: to tell D all about how his dream girl had sex with her best friend's boyfriend.



S and N raced off to find B before she could wreak havoc and divulge the big secret to D. What they found was B already talking to D along with the one person who was definitely not needed in this situation: C. S tried to stop B but instead it was C who ended up spilling the beans to a crushed D. C even took it to the next level by mentioning D's sister, J and their "unfinished business". Lonely Boy didn't like that too much so he showed off his aggressive Brooklyn tendencies and pushed C into a waiter. The waiter and the mimosas he was carrying went crashing down to the ground causing a loud commotion for all to see. Everyone at the brunch gasped and stared at the scene; jaws dropped, cell phones abuzz. Just another Sunday afternoon on the Upper East Side.

Outside the hotel, S tried to stop D from leaving. But it was too late. D had already made up his mind. He was wrong about S. He knew she was from this world and that maybe she was different. But she's not. S told him she's trying to change but D didn't want to hear any of it. He was over all of it.

As the sun started setting, Melanie91 saw S walking down Madison Avenue holding onto her phone. And then she did the absolute craziest thing I have ever heard a girl do...she threw her LG Chocolate phone in the garbage! Can you believe that? What could she possibly be thinking? Has S gone mad? A girl can never live without her friends, her phone or her lipgloss. Oops, looks like S may be spending a lot of time applying her NARS wand to her lips since that seems to be the only thing she has left. What a cruel, cruel world. (No, I'm not that desperate to dive into a garbage can.)


So now we're left to wonder what will happen to all of our favorite NYCers. What's going to come of B? Has she finally gotten her revenge on S or was this only the beginning? And N? Is he going to remain loyal to B and keep his word he won't talk to S? Or how about C? He's always up for a good game of ruin someone's life. I'm sure he hasn't had enough of torturing S yet. And what about Don? I mean, Lonely Boy. I mean, who cares? If he's not with S then he doesn't really matter, right? But we are still intrigued by one Humphrey: his little sister J. It looks like she's only steps away from being fully accepted by B and her crew. But will her alliance stay true to B? Or will she jump ship and support S? And last but certainly not least: S, herself. What's a girl like her to do now? No friends. No phone. Oh, how the mighty have fallen from grace. This world is pretty hard to truly grasp. One day you can be on top of the city and the next you're hated by all and thrown to the curb. But we're certain this won't be the last we see or hear of from S. A girl like her is bound to have a comeback sooner or later. It's your move, S.

you know you love me,
gossip girl

Like all great stories, it started with someone coming back into town

Good afternoon Upper East Siders, Gossip Girl here. Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite. Top story on my homepage, Serena Van Der Woodsen, everybody's favorite it girl has just returned from an mysterious absence. We missed you S.

My head is spinning from all that's happened in the last few days. (And thank you to all of my incredible sources. Couldn't have done it without you!)

After arriving at Grand Central (Thanks for the photo Melanie91), S hopped in a limo and headed to the penthouse of her dearest and bestest friend Blair Waldorf. B and her boyfriend Nate Archibald were interrupted mid-devirginizing. Poor B, N jumped at the chance to greet his old friend S, leaving B half dressed and still a virgin. Guess you'll have to keep waiting to find the perfect moment to lose it, B. It was hard to tell who was happier to see who: B or S. Did B even know her oldest friend was coming back? She did seem a little too surprised... S lasted at the party for a mere 5 minutes before rushing off mysteriously. Can this girl ever stay in one place for longer than like 10 seconds? It's called Aderal, S. Might want to try it. Which leads us to wonder: where did she run off to? We can only speculate (trip to dealer for Oxycotin? Quickie with her mob boyfriend in Staten Island?). Serena van der Woodsen, you bewilder us all.


The next day at lunch on the steps of the Met, B told S she wasn't invited to the Kiss on the Lips party. It was like the clash of the hot, superbly dressed Titans. Stunned, S demanded some QT with B at The Palace. B reluctantly agreed and the two gave each other looks so icy they could freeze hell over.

Meanwhile, our favorite new girl on the scene, Jenny Humphrey, was seen at Bendel's looking for the perfect dress for the party. Word has it she called her brother, we'll call him Lonely Boy, to help her pick out an outfit. That's kind of cute yet kind of the dorkiest thing I've ever heard. Guess when you're from Brooklyn you have something called family values? I'm unfamiliar. Supposedly, J couldn't afford a dress so she decided to sew one for herself. Santino's got nothing on that girl.

B and S had a heart to heart over martinis at The Palace. It began to look like things might actually go back to normal for these two hotties. Oh, wait. Spoke too soon. Things could never be resolved that quickly and painlessly. Good hearted yet lacking certain brain cells N had to open his big mouth and ruin it all. He spilled the beans to B about a certain night last summer that helps explain a lot. What's up with him and his honesty? Didn't N ever learn that telling the truth is overrated and only gets you into trouble? It just so happens to be that when B was away at her mother's country home, S and N hooked-up. No, it wasn't just a kiss. They did it. On a bar, nonetheless. Pretty classy, S. (Rumor has it, S got pregnent and her mom shipped her away to Sweden to hide her baby bump.)

While all of us on the Upper East Side were getting our makeup done at Elizabeth Arden for the social event of the season, S was heading to, omg it's almost too hard to say, Brooklyn! Turns out, she went on a date with J's older brother, Lonely Boy, who I guess isn't so lonely anymore. His name is Don. I mean, Dave. Oh wait, it's Dan. Gotta remember that. The two were going to see D and J's dad, Rufus, play with his band Lincoln Hawk (you can probably find one of their cassettes in the 99 cent bucket at like Sam Goody or any other record store that still sells audio tapes. Ugh, how early 90's). But really, who told D it'd be a good idea to take a girl, let alone a girl like S!, to meet his dad on a first date? Jeez, this boy has a lot of learn. The two actually appeared to be hitting it off, that is until D got an unexpected emergency text from Jenny. She was at the Kiss on the Lips party having a little trouble with our resident bad boy, Chuck Bass. Seems like C was on the prowl for his latest conquest...or victim. When D and S arrived at the party, S ended up face to face with B. After an intense staredown, B walked off with Kati and Isabel in tow, leaving Serena all by her lonesome self. Guess things might not be going back to the way they were so soon...

D and S finally found J on the roof of The Foundry. She was pleading with C to get off her. In a crazy turn of events, D actually grew some balls and confronted C. It was like watching Bruce Banner turn into the Incredible Hulk. D declared, "My name is Dan Humphrey. I'm in your class. And that is my little sister" before punching C right smack in the face. I haven't seen C with a bloody nose since the 9th grade ski trip to Aspen (damn altitude!)

D, S and J made their way out of the party with everyone's eyes on them, including a scathing Blair and Chuck as well as a sullen looking N. The three "outsiders" got in a cab and headed off to wherever it is kids from Brooklyn go.

Now we're all left to wonder what is going to happen to our fallen princess of the Upper East Side? Where do girls who had everything go once they've lost it all? And what about B? Surely, she isn't finished with S yet. Or N? Will he finally put S behind him and be the best boyfriend he can be to B? And D...the first time he comes to a party and he ends up punching the one guy who doesn't mind ruining lives. We're sure C will find a way to get the hipster from Brooklyn back. Watch your back, D. And finally, sweet little J. Tonight was her big chance to show she has what it takes to be in this world. Did she blow it? Or did she prove she could actually fit in?

Between the A-list parties and the smoking hot scandals, I'm not going to lie to you. It's a pretty fabulous life.

you know you love me,
gossip girl

So who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell.

Ever have that totally freakish feeling that someone is listening in on your conversations, spying on you and your friends while you sip lattes on the ivory-colored steps of the Metropolitan Museum Of Art, following you to premieres and parties, and just generally stalking you? Well, they are. Or actually, I am. And the truth is, I've been here all along, because I'm one of you. One of the chosen Ones.

Don't get out much? Hair is so processed it's fried your brain? Perhaps you're not one of us after all and you have no clue what I'm talking about or who 'we' are. Allow me to explain. We're an exclusive group of indescribably beautiful people who happen to live in those majestic, green winged, white-glove-doorman buildings near Central Park. We attend Manhattan’s most elite single-sex private schools. Our families own yachts, estates, and vineyards in various exotic locations throughout the world. We frequent all the best beaches and the most exclusive ski resorts in Austria and Utah. We're seated immediately at the finest restaurants in the richest neighborhoods with hardly a reservation. We turn heads. But don't confuse us with Hollywood actors or models or rock stars- those people you feel like you know because you read too much about them in tabloids, but who are actually completely boring compared to the roles they play or the ballads they sing. There's nothing boring about me or my friends, and the more I tell you about us, the more you'll be dying to know. I've kept quiet until now, but something has happened and if I don't share it with the world I'm absolutely going to burst.


The greatest story ever told.

We learned in twelfth-grade creative writing class this week that most great stories begin in one of the following fashions: someone mysteriously disappears, or someone comes back to town. The tale I'm about to tell is of the "someone comes back to town" variety,

To be specific, Serena Van Der Woodsen is back from boarding school.

Her hair is longer, paler. Her blue eyes has the mysteriousness of kept secrets. She wears the same old fabulous clothes, now in rags from fending off New England storms. This morning S's laughter echoed off the steps of the Met, where we will no longer enjoy a quick smoke and a cappuccino without seeing her waving to us from her parent's apartment across the street. We are all dying to ask her why she got kicked out of boarding school, but we won't, because we'd rather she stayed away. But S is definitely here.

Just to be safe, we should all synchronize our watches. If we aren't careful, S is going to win over our teachers, wear that dress we couldn't fit into, eat the last olive, have sex in our parent's beds, spill Campari on our rugs, steal our brothers' and our boyfriends' hearts, and basically ruin our lives and piss us off in a major way.

An epic such as this requires an observant, quick-witted scribe. That would be me, since I was at the science of every crime, and I happen to have an impeccable eye for the most outrageous details. So sit back, white I unravel the past and reveal everyone's secrets, because I know everything, and what I don’t know I'll invent elaborately.

Admit it, you're already falling for me.

you know you love me,
gossip girl